In an earlier posting about the Johari window (a tool for describing the parameters of self-perception and perception by others), I mentioned that perhaps the most interesting pane in the window is the Blind Spot, which is defined as information that is known to others about us, but is unknown to ourselves.
Often this information is extremely positive; others may see qualities, attractiveness, and virtues in us that our own critical eye fails to appreciate.
Other aspects of ourselves we are blind to may be less ‘positive’ per se, but having awareness of them could nonetheless provide information useful to understanding some of our failings and disappointments. For example: why does no one seem to approach you when you’re out with your friends? Because your facial expression and body language scream ‘stay away’. Why does your boss seems to treat everyone else’s suggestions more seriously than yours? Because your self-effacing presentation style invites people to discount what you’re saying. Why didn’t the store clerk seem motivated to help you? Because you take on an aggressive tone and manner when you’re feeling frustrated.
Our blind spots can only be illuminated by the feedback we receive from others, but receiving feedback is not a passive process; it’s determined by what we are willing to hear and take in.
If you are interested in gaining access to some of the information you are currently blind to, a good place to start is with the feedback you may have already heard and discarded. For example, what words do others use to describe you (elegant, tough, generous, cold, etc.). Are there any adjectives that come up quite frequently and from various sources but that you haven’t paid much attention to because they don’t match how you think of yourself?
You could also try actively soliciting feedback from others. The most useful feedback is going to come from people who are not afraid to tell you the truth, and are also not interested in hurting you in the guise of “truth-telling”. Ask these people what their first impressions of you were and how those changed over time. Let them know you’re interested in knowing how you come across to others and check whether the impressions you’re making are the ones you’re intending.
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